Ladred
10-24-2003, 07:36 AM
I originally posted this a good while back, and since there is a new board, I decided to post it again for the newer crowd here and so there is a copy here. This is a parody and for humor purposes. Anyone that's been playing a druid long enough will get a chuckle from at least one of these. Enjoy.
Don't heal the group tank until he is at 20%. When he says 'Heal me sooner!' reply 'Shut up you fookin wuss!'. If by chance you get him killed by doing this... blame it on lag. If the wuss.... err I mean tank uses his discipline when there is only a single mob in the camp, evac to steamfront and tell the group that you refuse to group with wusses that can't tank.
Pull... Pull lots! I mean 8 - 10 mobs. Watch everyone panic and piss themselves as they scream 'EVAC!!! EVAC!!!'. Then just ae root everything, announce that people need to pull back, and start chloroblasting everyone back to good health. Again if you get people killed doing this.. blame it on lag.
Forget to snare! Snaring is for Rangers. The only time a druid should snare is when they are soloing. So you should purposefully forget to snare because then you will get to play out #2. If people die... blame it on lag.
Heal the mob multiple times... make sure to announce it to the group too. This is best accomplished when the tank, or one of the pure casters is at 20% health. Once again, if someone dies.... blameshift to lag.
Always use AE's. That's what they are there for. Only whimps use single target damage spells. It's more efficient to do 100 damage to then entire zone than it is to do 1000 damage to one mob.
Never sit down. Stand up all the time. Don't med, don't summon a horse. Then when it's really critical, /shout OOM. Yes use shout because it's more fun that way. Then /shout Train to zone, and run the wrong way. When you get clear of your group gate out, or evac to zone. If the group asks what happened, tell them you were afk and your little sister was playing your character.
Always port to the wrong destination first. It's pointless to take paying customers to there destination, what's the use of that, they paid... give them a little tour. Better yet, port them to the druid rings in the same zone you are at, just so they know where it is. If you really want them to get their moneys worth... succor them too. My favorite 'tour of norrath' port is Iceclad, and it works really well when you are porting people under level 50. Or wakening lands (wuoshi up) for those over 50. Again blame it on the little sister.
When people beg for buffs, give them your shortest lasting buff. If someone asks for a 'regen', give them like chloro or something. If they ask for a 'skin' buff give them skin like rock. You get the picture. If they ask for a particular buff, stating the correct name. Politely tell them that you don't have that spell yet, but you saw it for sell in the bazaar for 2500pp, and ask for a loan.
When you are solo'ing. Always announce trains just before you zone. Never announce it before, because that spoils the element of suprise, and there is just no fun in that at all. Make sure that when you announce your train that it is not in common language, use dragonese or lizard speak.. you get the idea.
Last but not least. If you are ever in a zone that has animals in it... always charm an animal. I personally prefer to charm one animal and fear another just to emmit that kind of control. When your charm/fear breaks run like a freak to the nearest zone line, or group making sure to aggro as many mobs as possible. Refer to #2, and #9 on this matter.
I must make an addendum to my list, thus increasing the number from 10 to 11. While I was sitting down generating this list yesterday, I was thinking of all the things that druids could do to cause havoc, comedy, and fun. Alas I did miss one, and like an omen from Cazic Thule himself I got slapped with it yesterday.... So without haste here is number 11.
11. Snare yourself.... Snare yourself alot. There is nothing more exciting or fun then having a guild, zone, server laugh until they spew milk out of their nose while you are running at snare speed from Tantor the wonder elephant in western wastes.[/list]
Don't heal the group tank until he is at 20%. When he says 'Heal me sooner!' reply 'Shut up you fookin wuss!'. If by chance you get him killed by doing this... blame it on lag. If the wuss.... err I mean tank uses his discipline when there is only a single mob in the camp, evac to steamfront and tell the group that you refuse to group with wusses that can't tank.
Pull... Pull lots! I mean 8 - 10 mobs. Watch everyone panic and piss themselves as they scream 'EVAC!!! EVAC!!!'. Then just ae root everything, announce that people need to pull back, and start chloroblasting everyone back to good health. Again if you get people killed doing this.. blame it on lag.
Forget to snare! Snaring is for Rangers. The only time a druid should snare is when they are soloing. So you should purposefully forget to snare because then you will get to play out #2. If people die... blame it on lag.
Heal the mob multiple times... make sure to announce it to the group too. This is best accomplished when the tank, or one of the pure casters is at 20% health. Once again, if someone dies.... blameshift to lag.
Always use AE's. That's what they are there for. Only whimps use single target damage spells. It's more efficient to do 100 damage to then entire zone than it is to do 1000 damage to one mob.
Never sit down. Stand up all the time. Don't med, don't summon a horse. Then when it's really critical, /shout OOM. Yes use shout because it's more fun that way. Then /shout Train to zone, and run the wrong way. When you get clear of your group gate out, or evac to zone. If the group asks what happened, tell them you were afk and your little sister was playing your character.
Always port to the wrong destination first. It's pointless to take paying customers to there destination, what's the use of that, they paid... give them a little tour. Better yet, port them to the druid rings in the same zone you are at, just so they know where it is. If you really want them to get their moneys worth... succor them too. My favorite 'tour of norrath' port is Iceclad, and it works really well when you are porting people under level 50. Or wakening lands (wuoshi up) for those over 50. Again blame it on the little sister.
When people beg for buffs, give them your shortest lasting buff. If someone asks for a 'regen', give them like chloro or something. If they ask for a 'skin' buff give them skin like rock. You get the picture. If they ask for a particular buff, stating the correct name. Politely tell them that you don't have that spell yet, but you saw it for sell in the bazaar for 2500pp, and ask for a loan.
When you are solo'ing. Always announce trains just before you zone. Never announce it before, because that spoils the element of suprise, and there is just no fun in that at all. Make sure that when you announce your train that it is not in common language, use dragonese or lizard speak.. you get the idea.
Last but not least. If you are ever in a zone that has animals in it... always charm an animal. I personally prefer to charm one animal and fear another just to emmit that kind of control. When your charm/fear breaks run like a freak to the nearest zone line, or group making sure to aggro as many mobs as possible. Refer to #2, and #9 on this matter.
I must make an addendum to my list, thus increasing the number from 10 to 11. While I was sitting down generating this list yesterday, I was thinking of all the things that druids could do to cause havoc, comedy, and fun. Alas I did miss one, and like an omen from Cazic Thule himself I got slapped with it yesterday.... So without haste here is number 11.
11. Snare yourself.... Snare yourself alot. There is nothing more exciting or fun then having a guild, zone, server laugh until they spew milk out of their nose while you are running at snare speed from Tantor the wonder elephant in western wastes.[/list]