From an unknown source:

Florida Hurricane Season Notes

We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're
going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar
blob out in the Atlantic and making two basic meteorological points:

(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.

Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new
to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for
the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one.'' The best way to get
information on this topic is to ask people who were here during Hurricane
Andrew (we're easy to recognize, because we still smell faintly of b.o.
mixed with gasoline). Based on our experiences, we recommend that you
follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:

STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least
three days.
STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.

Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this
sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida. If you're
one of those people, you'll want to clip out the following useful hurricane
information and tuck it away in a safe place so that later on, when a storm
is brewing, you will not be able to locate it. We'll start with one of the
most important hurricane preparedness items:

HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE
If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this
insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic
requirements:

(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.


Unfortunately, if your home is located in South Florida, or any other area
that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would
prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be
required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the
insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around
for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly
equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company
can drop you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane Andrew, I have had an
estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by
the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that,
in addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my
kidneys.

SHUTTERS
Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the
doors, and, if it's a major hurricane, all the toilets. There are several
types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:
Plywood shutters. The advantage is that, because you make them yourself,
they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself,
they will fall off.
Sheet-metal shutters. The advantage is that these work well, once you get
them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands
will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.
Roll-down shutters. The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and
will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have
to sell your house to pay for them.
Hurricane-proof windows. These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane
protection. They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand
hurricane winds! You can be sure of this because the salesman says so. He
lives in Nebraska.

HURRICANE PROOF YOUR PROPERTY
As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like
barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc. You
should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool. (If you
don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately.)
Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly
missiles. (If you happen to have deadly missiles in your yard, don't worry,
because the hurricane winds will turn THEM into harmless objects.)

EVACUATION ROUTE
If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route
planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at
your driver's license. If it says, ``Florida'' you live in a low-lying
area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped
in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a
gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two million
other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.

HURRICANE SUPPLIES
If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them
now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible
minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with
strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In addition to food and
water, you will need the following supplies.

1 23 flashlights.
2 At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes
out, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
3 Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for. But it's traditional, so GET some!)
4 A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
5 A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a
hurricane, but it looks cool.)
6 A large quantity of bananas, to placate the monkeys. (Ask anybody who
went through Andrew after the hurricane. There WILL be irate monkeys.)
7 $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you
can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.

Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it
is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on
your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next
to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for
everybody to stay away from the ocean. At that point, if you've prepared
all you can, there's frankly nothing left for you to do but pray.

Good luck and remember; it's great living in a tropical paradise

That's hilarious!

Although, I really feel bad for Floridians this year as Jeane is now forming and heading in their general direction - Anyone from this board who lives in the SE U.S., hang in there - we're all pulling for you :)

Ha, that's great!

Although, I really feel bad for Floridians this year as Jeane is now forming and heading in their general direction - Anyone from this board who lives in the SE U.S., hang in there - we're all pulling for you
Ya know... I think Mother Earth or "god" (as some people will say) has to be trying to tell these florida folks.

Don't ya think it's a bit ironic this is all happening just around the time for the election, just following the obvious Florida "mistake" made last election? Things that make you go hmm....

Don't ya think it's a bit ironic this is all happening just around the time for the election, just following the obvious Florida "mistake" made last election? Things that make you go hmm....

I think its more likely he is trying to kill off all the people who are too stupid to use a butterfly ballot so that the Democrats don't have any excuses for their loss this time.

I figured it was Mother Nature's way of protecting Floridians from the onslaught of stumping that's been happening in all the other swing states (she says as she listens to a traffic report of how yet one more freeway has been shut down so Cheney can get back to the airport for the 2nd time in 2 weeks).

Personally, I'm hoping for a Tsunami to come wipe out our airport so we don't have to deal with the weekly visit from at least one of the candidates, not to mention the financial drain it's putting on our already hard hit economy, as the local areas have to provide security for all these trips.

Ya know... I think Mother Earth or "god" (as some people will say) has to be trying to tell these florida folks.
Actually, I think it's Karana. All those halflings down there are learning to swim.

They shoulda chosen Tunare! :)

The hurricanes are from Tsoo Sorcerers, as anyone who plays City of Heroes can tell you! It's a evil, vile plot to conquering Florida.

The hurricanes are from Tsoo Sorcerers, as anyone who plays City of Heroes can tell you! It's a evil, vile plot to conquering Florida.

I miss those guys. I wish they had them in the higher level areas.

I saw this political cartoon where this guy is standing and asks...
Why did we move down to Florida again?
and his wife replys.... The tropical weather.

In the back ground is the roof and walls of their house flying off into the distance....

heh.

Some elderly in Florida don't have hurricane insurance and all of their belongings may have gotten destroyed. This years hurricane season is going to be devastating on the elderly poor.

Hey, anyone else find it ironic that Scirocco posted this Hurricane guide?

I miss those guys. I wish they had them in the higher level areas.

Just ran into level 41 Avalanche Shamans in a portal mission last night. Not only do they have hurricanes, but they wear thongs! Life is looking up!


Hey, anyone else find it ironic that Scirocco posted this Hurricane guide?

Good point, I wouldn't trust advice about Hurricanes from a guy named Scirocco!

6 A large quantity of bananas, to placate the monkeys. (Ask anybody who went through Andrew after the hurricane. There WILL be irate monkeys.)



LOL, I spent 27 minutes in the eye of Andrew. I lived less than 100 yards from Monkey Jungle and worked on the Coast Guard Station next door to Metro-Zoo and the primate research center.. Yes, it took them weeks to round up all the irate monkeys. Worse than that, they were afraid the ones from the primate reseach center had aids or rabies and warned people to avoid them.. Guess they used the bananas to keep them from attacking.

although the exotic birds were more anoying and we still have some strange looking doves..