View Full Forums : Adults say the darnedest things...


Panamah
03-10-2005, 12:57 PM
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word...he knew better.


I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store.! He asked if he could help me. Without
thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's
balls."


My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help I replied, "No, I'm
just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my
sister has never let me forget.


While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice
just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell
Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence
was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers
stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard
when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny
had not asked to go to the potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed
to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had
an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I
just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
getting worse. So, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an
accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and
spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30
people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled
up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it
was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weather man and
asked "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not
only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were
laughing so hard!

Tinuvieyl Gilthoniel
03-10-2005, 05:06 PM
Rotf!

Synjinn
03-10-2005, 08:20 PM
OMG...that is hilarious!!! I laughed so hard soda came out my nose (thanks Pan :).) I love the bank one...I don't think I will ever be able to "kiss a pee pee" again without laughing (and making sure my own 4 year old is safely tucked into bed).

Drewwe
03-10-2005, 11:15 PM
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA *gasp* HAHAHAHAH
I love it!

Braeliegh
03-11-2005, 07:28 AM
:lmao: I have not read anything that made me laugh this hard in a long time. Thanks for sharing.

B_Delacroix
03-11-2005, 07:58 AM
These seem familiar. Reader's Digest?

Kerech
03-11-2005, 10:05 AM
I've seen some of them before as well, but they're still hilarious :)

Aidon
03-11-2005, 11:52 PM
Snopes =P

Panamah
03-12-2005, 12:02 PM
I don't care, Aidon. Theyre still funny, remind me of a few things I've said.

I have a friend who calls her hubby "Sweet pea" sometimes. She was trying to get him to do something and was calling him all sorts of pet names and mushing the pet names together and she ended up calling him "Sweet pea-ness", like you're royal highness and sweet pea put together.

Fyyr Lu'Storm
03-12-2005, 01:38 PM
Well, rofl.




Oh gawd that reminds me of one of mine, actually.

Years ago, we had friends watch our 2 year old daughter while we worked.

Our friends and we had planned a camping trip to Morro Bay with a bunch of people.

Our daysitting friends took our daughter ahead of us. And before we showed up, they had fed her. Camping food. Like BEANS. WTF.

That little girl had gas and cramps so bad, she and we got no sleep that night.

So it just happened that we all kinda fell into calling her lil' 'beanerbutt" when she was grumpy or when she was obstinent.

And in our social circle, beanerbutt became shortened to 'beaner'. Akin to 'stinker'.

Years later, I was in Microbiology, looking through microscopes. And my lab partner, after doing something I did not want her to do, a diminutive cute woman by the name of Diane Garcia, looked up at me and said "what did you just say?" "...you're a lil' beaner...'" I repeated.

I had completely forgotten the racist meaning of that word, until I was running an old Cheech and Chong skit through my head later that night. Bah, I could not sleep that night at all, until I apologized to her.

Next day I apologized, and she did not even remember it(or said so).


Turned out she is Filipino...