View Full Forums : Toddler Miracle Diet!


Panamah
02-22-2006, 04:14 PM
People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet!

Over the years you may have noticed that most two years olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult you doctor before embarking on this diet; otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good luck!!!

DAY ONE

Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, and then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch: Four crayons (any colour), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest)

Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi.

Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor...


DAY TWO

Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch: Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Dog Food (any flavour). One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon Snack: Lick a lollipop until sticky, take outside and drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug.

Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour orange squash over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon.



DAY THREE

Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, then rub fingers in hair. Glass of milk, drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays lollipop from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your best chair.

Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of crisps, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through nose, if possible.



FINAL DAY

Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavour), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes; add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch: Eat breadcrumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that lollipop and finish eating it.

Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.

Jinjre
02-22-2006, 06:57 PM
Bwahahahahaha! I used to swear that toddlers actually got their nutrition via osmosis directly through the skin, as it was the only way I could explain how they could smear 98% of their food on the outside of them, yet still get enough food to grow on.

Kerech
02-22-2006, 07:33 PM
As the parent of a 4-year old, I think there's something to this.

My son rarely ever eats anything, yet he's taller than any other 4-year olds in his preschool.